Breath in, breath out. I struggle to tamp down the anger I had felt rising. Breath in, breath out. I take the calming smoke deep into my lungs and release. The haunting song blasts into my ears, sweeping through my mind like a storm surge taking with it any thoughts. I focus on the point between my eyes, and breath again. In, out. Again. And again. I feel the smoke’s affects surge over me, rising up to my eyes and beyond. I sink into the cushioned stool and turn inward…. I recall a natal chart reading for a couple years past. This life is one of rest, one of personal spiritual growth and enjoyment. My karmic balance is light and this life is a reward. In the past I was a high priestess, a guide to the people, but eventually persecuted in some way for it. I do not need to bear the weight of such responsibility in this life. I do not need to lead, and definitely not at the cost of my own Self. I come out of the vision and turn to my cards… 
King of Bows ~ Adder A time surrounding a dispute between a good father and a married man set me on this downward spiral of ill-health and struggle. The only time that comes to mind is the dispute (and its on going presence in our lives) between Midnight and my father during and after my first pregnancy, all those years ago.
10 of Bows ~ Responsibility Bearing the weight of all this responsibility that I have taken onto myself, all the related stress, burdens (whether necessary or unnecessary), caring for my family, etc. is keeping me sick, and making it worse.
Knight of Stones ~ Horse To get better… return to my roots, run wild under the sun, revel in joy, journey… Let Horse carry you.
Seven of Stones ~ Healing My future holds in it a time of healing after much emotional, spiritual, physical illness. Healer Heal Thyself.
Page of Stones ~ Lynx I need to stay aware of Balance, to stay in tune with the cycles. Be wary of doing something in a moment of wild abandon, but careful consideration can right things. 2
of Vessels ~ Attraction Lying atop the Lynx, which was in the position of Leaving Midwinter Towards Imbolc… Possibility of a future attraction or relationship… be aware, and cautious. My hand hesitates, and one more card calls to me from the deck. I pull …
2 – The Seer ~ I see this card as a representation of myself, my path, my need for dedication and culmination of my spiritual skills– discovering them and using them to aid in my own healing.
Brighid cleanse me in the fires of your Hearth & Forge
Make me anew under the blow of your hammer
Quench me in the sacred waters of your well…
Morrigan cleanse me in the blood of your battle fields
Make me anew under the blow of your sword and shield
Quench me in the sacred waters of your land…
May I be healed
May I be reborn
May I be stronger for my struggles
May I be wiser for my faults
May I be deserving for my pains
*Copyright* Isáine of The Twisted Tree, 2014
No one ever said this would be easy. But it is damn near going to kill me.
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